Yesterday was Valentines Day. It doesn't matter to me, it never has since I never do anything for it...I could've though since this guy has been phoning me constantly.

So yesterday after my American Lit class, I get a call from my sister pretty much saying, "Mom wants you to e-mail Ian to see if he's alive"...I was confused I thought something happened with his Hockey bus that it tipped or something or maybe he got in a car accident (my other cousin drove drunk and crashed, she's fine though). But then my sister elaborated on it saying that there was a shooting at NIU...It didn't really sink in at first all I said was "I don't see why anyone would want to shoot Ian." That was my reaction.

I don't know if I was in shock the rest of the day because it never really sank in until 2am...I couldn't sleep and my throat kept getting dry. I was planning to get my grades up and transfer over to NIU next fall. I don't know what to think right now, I've cried a few times today and my throat is still really dry no matter how much water I drink.

I'm not sure what that guy was trying to do when he shot those students...he was a sociology major was he trying to prove something about society? I don't know...What I know is that I can't focus on anything right now. When I was a little kid and I was hurt I'd cry so much that I'd hyperventilate...and for some reason it feels like I'm going to start doing that right now even though I'm not crying.

Today I wore red to remember the lives that were lost yesterday. My sister said there was a moment of silence for the Virginia Tech students last year on our campus...but today there was nothing for the NIU students...They should've done something. That's all I've got, I just needed to type about it.

Never forget February 14, 2008.